Because I can ~Ryder~

[Katie Matlin]

Katie watched him get up, and she debated on following him, but she couldn't she had something called pride as well. She let her feet dandle off the bed and she listened to him. She understood where he was coming from, and she could tell he wanted to go she she'd let him. Katie skimmed her bottom lip with her front teeth and got up walking behind Ryder and she put his hand on her hip shifting her weight to one side and spun her around. "Do you think I'm stupid? I may have had a drug problem, and I may not always show people I have a heart but stupid, is something I'm not." She said getting a bit angry crossing her arms over her chest. She wouldn't deal with this, Katie scowled walking to her door. "You should go, so you know you can spare your feelings." She said, copping an attitude, she was the one who just got cheated on, she was the one cheating on her boyfriend with this boy he couldn't tell her anything. She could feel herself about to break down and the tears brimmed her eyes and she allowed them to fall. "You..you know what? I just cheated on my boyfriend, I saw him kiss another girl, and your telling me to make a decision? You kissed me." She felt herself getting angry and she stormed up to him looking up wiping her tear stained cheeks. "I'll do what I think is best." She said walking over to her bed sitting down bringing her knees to her chest. She wanted an Oxy, something to numb her heart but she knew it wouldn't she was just lost now.

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[ryder]

He looked at her when she turned him around and he pulled his hands from his pockets and he folded his arms over his chest in an unamused manner as she spoke,"Yeah Katie, I did kiss you, but you know what 3 times? You had plenty of chances to stop me, and the third one was your own doing," he corrected her. He shook his head in the disbelief she was trying to make him seem like he was the bad guy in this, he wasn't calling her stupid but if she wanted to take it that way then fine,"I didn't say make a decision right now, I said I hope you make your choices in general as good ones," he corrected yet again. He walked to her door when she went to her bed. he looked at her, she was a mess and he was upset now, he wasn't one to swallow his pride and be made to look a fool, but he stood there by her door in debate on whether he'd comfort her... did he want to? Yeah he did just because he didn't like seeing her broken...was he going to? He wasn't sure after what she had just pulled, she aske him for honesty, he gave it to her.

[Katie Matlin]

Now it was anxiety, it was setting in and she couldn't allow herself to just back down. "You know...I could of, but I didn't want too I'm unsure of what I want, I'm hurt, I'm broken and I can't hurt you either." She said looking up, his words caught her off guard, but she wasn't trying to make him look bad nor was she trying to pin everything on him. She was well aware of her doing as she got onto her feet wiping away her tears and she walked over to him looking up into his eyes. "I wont keep you around, you have feelings that I'm not willing to hurt." Katie mumbled and although she liked having him around her she didn't want to hurt him. She didn't want to be hurt either she took his hand and lead him down the stairs and to the front porch. She wanted to stop him, but she couldn't anymore and this time it was her choice of letting him leave her. Katie was suborn, and she was honest, too honest at times and sometimes it became brutal. But this whole situation was seeming to hurt everyone she came into contact with. She knew what he did for her earlier and she was grateful for his company the fact that he did care. But she couldn't allow herself to string him along. Did she intend on talking to Drew, of course. But did she attend on letting herself get hurt by him again? No. Katie walked over to the swing love chair and sat down, she looked at her sleeves and realized she had his jacket and she slipped out of it walking over to Ryder and placing it into his hands looking down lost on what else she could say.

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[ryder]

He was being told off for no real reason and he listened unamused once more as if he were listening to his little sister bitch. He shrugged and when she took his hand and led him downstairs, he pulled his hand from hers and he walked outside on his own,"Whatever you want Katie, thats how its always been,"

[/i] he said as he walked toward his car. When she came up and put his jacket in his hands he dropped it on the ground,"I don't want it," he said just as stubborn as she could be, he could be ten times worse. He left it on the ground of her driveway as he got in the driver side of his car and closed his door putting the key in the ignition as he rolled down the window and leaned out looking at her,"Still think I'm not an asshole? Thats real cute Katie..."[/color] he said, he was hurt, he was mad and he wasn't going to filter out his thoughts any more as he looked her over for a brief minute,"If you want to talk to me and me to be honest again, I suggest you don't scold me for being honest next time," he added as he slowly pulled out of her driveway now, giving one last look at her before he shook his head, he felt completely stupid for having been nice to her, thinking things would be ok, when he just ended up hurt like any other girl had done to him.[/center]

[Katie Matlin]

Her eyes fell down on his jacket and she watched him get into his car, she bent down and picked it up draping it over her arm as she listened to his words. "I don't think your an asshole and I wont." She responded listening to more of his words and she narrowed her eyes, she did want him to be honest and that's what she got honesty even if she didn't want to hear it. She watched him drive off and she felt the tears brimming her eyes again but this time they wouldn't fall. She turned around and walked into the house, it was somewhat late. She walked into the kitchen and opened the cabinet grabbing a glass but the pills caught her eyes and she brought her hand up looking at the bottle in a debate on weather she'd mess up. Katie couldn't throw away sobriety though not over two boys. She put them back where they belong and walked over to the sink filling her cup with water still holding Ryder's jacket. Then she walked up stairs to her room closing the door, she was only human she couldn't be what everyone wanted. She walked over to her dresser and put on her PJ's walking to her bed laying down, she set his jacket on her pillow taking in his scent for a moment. Katie reached over grabbing her phone out of her purse and read through her million texts, between Mirasol's and Drew's and she sighed, telling Mirasol what happened. Now she knew what her best friend had been trying to tell her yesterday when she got back. Katie look took a sip of water and debated on weather she text Ryder, but she decided against it. She had to she messed up his night already and didn't want to ruin it more.

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[ryder]

He drove home with fury in his head and when he got home he went straight to his room, he knew Lilli wasn't home so he couldn't take out his anger on her. He scowled and flung himself on his bed as he looked up at the ceiling and rested his hands behind his head. How could she think like that? He turned on his side and closed his eyes angrily. He couldn't wrap himself around this girl and it bugged him, it bugged him that he couldn't just let her go like he could with every other girl, but he could do something, reguardless of if he couldn't let go in his own head, didn't mean he had to show it, he was no fool and he wouldn't be anyone's love sick puppy. He looked at his cellphone on his endtable for a moment and then turned his back to it, he'd deal with things as they came..he drifted to sleep tossing and turning all night.

[Katie Matlin]

Katie sighed and turned off her lamp, she would handle everything at school tomorrow. She'd tell Drew about everything she did, rip it off like a bandage. He was the one who had more explaining to do but deep down she knew it was all her fault. For using Bianca, for allowing herself to get so caught up in soccer, for hurting her knee and getting an addiction. Changing on him, being everything she tried so hard not to be. She closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts to process, she didn't know what to tell Ryder, she never saw the side of him she saw tonight but it was alright, that was her fault as well. Katie soon drifted to sleep, she wouldn't be tired for school tomorrow, she had obligations she would stick to.

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